April 29, 2013

So much to tell so I write.

Monday 0808 hours.

Rainy day in Cheras. Mum called me just now and she ready to depart from LCCT airport to Tawau. Two hours and four-thy minutes to reach there, God-wills and she was on her way now.

Friday on last week. Place : Ward 5B Serdang hospital pediatrics.

I'm trying out my best to finish my duty but sometimes no matter how hard we tried and hope that everything going smoothly but there is a moment sometimes things goes beyond of our expectations. I guess this is a huge mistake I ever done but friend of mine said that everything gonna be alright and it a lesson to be learnt that I should be more wise and responsible in my job.

Everything happen destroy my happiness to spend my weekends with mum and sister leisurely a little bit. So I told mum about this. She act like the most of the time, try to comfort me and some encourage word for me. I told her that maybe this job not for me but she say just hold on and everything happen is a destiny that I should accept since back years then before I start all this. She was true. So I got nothing to say because everything was actually should come from me at the first place. So I just looked at the ceiling blindly and I reset my mind to tell myself that I got no time for regret. So stand and start to walk even I have to crawl because I must and certainly I have no choices.

It give me a huge lesson, I guess. Finish about my nursing job story. Heading to my sister marriage life and Mak. I'm not try to be a busy-body about her life with her husband or how her relationship with mum either. I mean the real mum-daughter relationship for real. No one knows her better other than me because I grew up with her. She used to be a really honest person that you could ever met on this earth. She just speak exactly to your face for something that bothering her. For a person who really understand her, it might be accepted but not for a person like Mak. I knew that most of the time that she always hurting by my sister words but I could do nothing. Mak and Kakak; never ask me to choose because it was the hardest thing to do. At least she already came hundreds miles just to see her second grandson, I guess it will be enough for her. However the way of my sister treat her, I also feel a bit hurt. But again what can I say ? So, I silenced my heart. My brother in law was a nice person compare than her ex-husband. I don't know but sometimes I can feel the gap between he and my family and I can feel my sister were started to build the gap too and what I afraid the most is day after day it become big and big and big and the worse part is one day it really impossible for me to get through this huge gap. *long sight*

Listening to Tegan and Sara song, Wake up exhausted was played continuously on my song playlist.

Despite of everything happen in this 3 days that actually was disturbing my thought all this while, I really wanna go travel. It's not need that too far but I just want to throw all my burdens with long journey of train ride, coffee in the morning with beautiful scene of sunrise in nature background. Gosh, I really wanna experienced it right now. I was inspired by one video by talented person who recording his train ride to ARAU PERLIS for 10 hours and the only thing was captured my intention is the moment when he sat on the train seat with hot coffee on his hand and leisurely looking outside the train with magnificent views. I'm a type of person who appreciate nature beauty so damn much and it has been a long time since high school,I really wanna do it. Soon, I will. Hold my words, please.

*sometimes I felt that I was really ambitious person to her life but none of it was happen and the fact hurt me so much.

Don't lose it all in the blur of the starsSeeing is deceiving, dreaming is believingIt's okay not to be okaySometimes it's hard to follow your heart :) 
# Jessie J- who you are. 

No comments:

Post a Comment